A divorce is a crucial event in the life of some people who suffer. This event becomes more challenging if you have children. The divorce is not a process of overnight or days. It takes a long time to deteriorate the marriage life. Everyone loves their children and doesn’t want to hurt them by divorce. Parents usually ask these questions that what the best time for a divorce is. Should they live together despite differences until their children become a bit older or they end their marriage whatever may the age of their children? What should be the age of children when they end the marriage?
There are many factors to be considered before answering this important question. These factors are discussed below.
- What kind of parents you are?
- What is happening in your family?
- What is the age and temperament of your child?
- How much you can cooperate?
There are conditions when the early decision about divorce produces better results for both parents and also children. Among these factors, violence at home is a single and independent factor for getting an early divorce regardless of the age of the kids. To explain this, you should understand that what is violence? It can be threats of physical violence or even physical attacks like beating, hitting, or kicking. Throwing objects also comes under the category of violence. Children’s development into adulthood can suffer a lot by continuous exposure to violence.
If the differences and conflicts in the marriage life continue to grow and are also accompanied by regular shouting and screaming then a sooner divorce decision is a good choice but you should understand the meanings and levels of conflict. There are some reserved and some operatic people and a mismatch of couples can lead to fierce arguments on every matter. The differences in the married couples can produce serious conflicts on daily basis leading to a violation. In some cases, even insignificant differences can lead to fights and violations like the discussion on politics, a report card of children especially when not good, and arguments on utility and grocery bills. These conflicts can be frustrating and usually lead to violence that can be terrifying for the children. Such conflicts and fights can produce an environment that can lead to fear and feelings of being insecure in children. So, in the best interest of children, this condition should not last for longer.
Early divorce in violent situations can be good for both partners and also for children but children may need therapy along with divorce for mental growth and to become responsible citizens. The children who are victims of physically violent families need special attention to adopt themselves as a good model for male and female relationships. Even children who continue to live in high conflict violent environments, also need therapy for better development.
What about the parents who end their marriage life. They also need help to eliminate fear and anger that is necessary not only for them but also to protect their children. The victimized partner of a violent marriage may not be able to overcome fear and anger by divorce until or unless treat himself to live in a fearless and trustworthy environment, otherwise, he or she will continue to fight even after divorce. The proper advice for the people who are short-tempered and living in violent or high-conflict marriages is to keep control of themselves because anger can be triggered when divorce is threatened or even filed. If you don’t care or control your anger then your children can be in deep mental torture.
The low conflict divorce
More than half of divorce cases are the result of low conflicts. In this condition, couples share common interests and mutual respect despite the differences. There can be many reasons for divorce in this situation like sexual deprivation, drug/alcohol abuse, bad mental health, etc. Divorce in such marriages can affect children badly. The quality of life of children may remain worse even after getting second marriage.
The consequences of divorce are serious because women have to work either partial or full time for earning. They may not be able to give time to the children. This will affect children’s mental health badly.
In this situation, a delay in divorce can be good for your children. You should stay together until your youngest kid starts going to school.
It is also advisable to delay divorce if your children are in early adolescence age because they need support from family and guidelines to grow. Otherwise, they may become so disturbed and develop habits that may keep them away from school. If your partner is continuously responsible for serious violence then get a divorce immediately regardless of the age of children for their best interest.
Staying together for kids
What is the best option to stay together in a violent marriage or getting a divorce? This is very difficult to answer because divorce is a personal decision and is always the result of many conflicting factors. Small children cannot read your internal conditions even you show apparently that you are happy with your partner. Your minors will also not be able to detect that you are lonely and not happy with your partner.
No one can predict the future after divorce. There are many studies show that couples are happy after divorce but the life of many became hell after the divorce. There are many examples of couples who decided to live together even with many differences and conflicts. After few years, they started to understand each other and pay mutual respects leading to happy and ideal marriage life.
If you think from your children’s reference, try to weigh how your unhappiness and divorce will affect your children. If you and your partner decide to live together even with conflicts for the best interest of children then it will be a good decision.
If conflicts, arguments, fights, even abuse, and physical attacks are a daily routine then getting a divorce is a good option. So, in the best interest of your children, you are better to judge to decide about divorce.